You Deserve This. January 16, 2012

You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin.

You deserve to smile every time you see your reflection.

You deserve to walk up a hill without sweating buckets and breathing heavily.

You deserve to not wear out the thighs of your jeans.

You deserve that feeling you get when you complete a good workout.

You deserve to fit comfortably in a school desk.

You deserve to not worry about what people are (probably not actually) saying about you.

You deserve to love yourself – every single bit of yourself.

You deserve pose proudly in photos, not just to hide behind your friends.

You deserve to be confident.

You deserve to be able to cross your legs like a lady.

You deserve to not be afraid that your car tilts to the side when you get in it.

You deserve to happy.

You deserve to be healthy.

You deserve this, but you have to work for it.

I am Ashley, Hear me Roar. November 13, 2011

Dear Internet,

I’ve decided to start this blog as a way to help myself heal from the wounds I have inflicted upon myself over the years. I have an unhealthy relationship with food and I hope that my blogging about my journey, I can overcome this. For some reason putting all of this out into the world seems like it will make me more accountable than if I just wrote it in a notebook for no one to ever see.

I have tried to lose weight many, many times. I’ve been successful, but it seems I have been more successful in putting the pounds back on. In retrospect, I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I know simply losing weight will not make me happy. It didn’t before, and I gained it all back (plus some) because I just wanted to look “hot.” So here I am, all 242.5 pounds of me. This time, I want to be healthy. I need to be healthy. I no longer want to duck into the bathroom to hide while I catch my breath after walking up a slight incline on my way to class. I want to hike up mountains, run on the beach, laugh until I cry, and really live.

From here on out, I’m going to live like I mean it.

Love,

Ashley