The Only Way Up is Down

Losing Weight and Learning to Love Myself

5K. January 23, 2013

Filed under: Self Reflection — The Only Way Up is Down @ 11:41 am

I just registered for a 5K – Color Me Rad, in April. I don’t think that I have ever ran that far in my life. I’m back to doing C25k and this time my bff is doing it with me. As I’ve already paid the fee, I’m feeling pretty damn committed. I’m excited and nervous. But I’m going to be a runner, damnit, and nothing is going to stop me!

80 days until the big day. 


Back Fat. August 16, 2012

Filed under: Self Reflection — The Only Way Up is Down @ 12:48 pm

Back. Fat.

These two little words have had quite an impact on me.

I cried in the shower.

I’ve never had this before.

I started going to Weight Watchers again to discover that I had gained 12 pounds since graduation.

No wonder I suddenly felt my hip fat and back fat squishing together uncomfortably while in the shower.

This is the last time. The last damn time.

I know I say that a lot.

But this time, I have back fat.

I could tell I had gained weight without the aid of a mirror or too-tight jeans.

So I went back to Weight Watchers.

That first week I lost 3.4 pounds.

How many will it be this week? We’ll find out on Saturday.

Good riddance, Back Fat.


3.1 April 29, 2012

Filed under: Self Reflection — The Only Way Up is Down @ 12:17 pm

I’ve been seriously slacking on updating my blog. 

Last night I got the distance on the treadmill to 3.1 miles. That’s a 5k! Go me! I’m planning on doing a real 5k this summer, and I want to be ready. I know that running on the road and the treadmill are different animals, but for now, I prefer the gym. Of course, I’m not in good enough shape yet to run three miles straight, so I have been alternating walking and running at quarter-mile intervals. So, in total, last night I ran a mile and a half! I’m pretty excited. 

I decided I wanted a bit of a challenge to get me through the month of May. I’m going to challenge myself to put in 50 miles on the treadmill during the month. Hopefully in about a week or two, I’ll be able to run a half mile straight. 


My only goal for this was to do it in less than an hour.

I’m looking forward to the time it takes me to haul my buns 3.1 miles going down. 

Did I mention I lost 2.4 pounds this week? I (for the third and last time) hit the 10 pound mark. From here on out, that number will only grow.



Going Home March 18, 2012

Filed under: c25k,Self Reflection,SFT,Weigh Ins — The Only Way Up is Down @ 11:15 am

I’m going home on Tuesday. I’ll be there for two weeks. Again, like before Winter Break, I’m going to need a game plan. Thankfully my mom is also on WW and doing c25k (which I’ve been slacking majorly on).

I tried out SFT for the first two days of last week. I think it would have been easier if I had a lot more “power foods” in the kitchen. The rest of the week I went back to regular counting points. I also ate a lot of baked chips (I seriously need to just not buy them,  I can’t help myself around them). Annnnnd my students threw me a surprise party on Friday because it was my last day doing my student teaching in their class. They brought lots of cookies and chips and other snack foods – of which I ate NONE! I am pretty proud of myself for that. But, they also gave me gifts of candy and caramel corn, which of course, I ate all of at home. You can’t win them all, I guess.

All in all, I lost a little under half a pound this week, bringing my total back to 10. I also got my 16 week key chain charm thing, which would have been a lot cooler if I had my 10% key ring to put it on. But, let’s not dwell on that. The good news is that I am in graduate school and have lost 10 pounds, when I could have easily gained twice that much or more.

I keep thinking back to the last time I was on WW. I started in December, around the time I did this go-around, but by this time of year, I had lost 30 pounds. This is a little discouraging. I have to keep telling myself that I was 20-going-on-21, not 24, almost 25. I was younger. I also ate a lot of 100 calorie packs and other foods that are not sustainable as a lifestyle. I easily gained all of that weight plus another 20 pounds in the year after I stopped following the plan. I try not to be mad at myself for that, but it’s hard. I have to tell myself that this time I am really trying to change for the better, rather than just eating a lot of microwavable dinners and tiny bags of weird flat Oreos.

I am really hoping that the weather at home is better than it has been here. I’m about to start Spring Break and it is snowing right now. That is another thing that is frustrating. The gym at this school has only five treadmills and four working elliptical machines and it isn’t open late or early enough for me to go before school in the mornings. Every time I have tried to go to the gym recently it has been full. Usually it is dark when I get there, so running on the track isn’t an option because there aren’t lights and I don’t want to get murdered or kidnapped. Plus, its been snowing a lot, and who wants to run in the snow? I looked into getting a membership at the 24 hour gym in town, but its too spendy on my nonexistent income. So how about cardio videos? I live in an upstairs apartment with wood floors. Judging by how much I can hear going on downstairs, I can’t imagine my neighbor would appreciate me doing jumping jacks at 5 am. However, there is a bright side. Next term my schedule changed and I can go back to Zumba! I think I’m only going to be able to go once a week, but that is better than nothing. I am really looking forward to it. I hate feeling so sedentary. I’m also looking forward to it being light out later so I can walk to and from my evening class this term.


Self Sabotage. March 11, 2012

Filed under: Self Reflection,SFT,Weigh Ins — The Only Way Up is Down @ 12:38 pm

Last week I weighed in, having lost a total of 11.4 pounds. That meant I was .6 pounds away from finally reaching my 5%. So what happened on the scale this week? I gained 1.8 pounds.

Why is this?

Because I sabotage myself.

Every time that I get near a personal goal, I sabotage myself. Last week started out great: weighing my food, going for a walk, staying in my daily points range. Mid-week? I ate an entire bag of baked Cheetos in two days. I ate a lot of cookies. I went over my daily points by lot.  This continued for the rest of the week. I honestly don’t know what happened. A goal was within reach, and I totally weightlossblocked myself. I do this all the time. Every single time I get near a goal.

Another of my personal goals is to be under 200 pounds by the time I finish graduate school this July. I haven’t been under 200 pounds since I was 21. I want this so bad – but it’s not going to happen if I keep sabotaging myself.

I don’t know how I am going to overcome this. I am not one to go to a therapist or anything, though I have been thinking about it. I am hoping that by writing out these feelings I will gain some clarity and insight into why I do this without having to go talk to someone about how my subconscious seems to be afraid to lose weight.

Today I decided to try the Simply Filling Technique for the first time. I realized that I have been thinking about points since I was 16 years old and maybe I need a break from that. I’m going to try out SFT for today and tomorrow. If I like it, I’ll continue it all week. We’ll see how that goes.

Here’s to a week of trying to stay on track without ruining all of my hard work.


You Deserve This. January 16, 2012

Filed under: Self Reflection — The Only Way Up is Down @ 10:39 pm
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You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin.

You deserve to smile every time you see your reflection.

You deserve to walk up a hill without sweating buckets and breathing heavily.

You deserve to not wear out the thighs of your jeans.

You deserve that feeling you get when you complete a good workout.

You deserve to fit comfortably in a school desk.

You deserve to not worry about what people are (probably not actually) saying about you.

You deserve to love yourself – every single bit of yourself.

You deserve pose proudly in photos, not just to hide behind your friends.

You deserve to be confident.

You deserve to be able to cross your legs like a lady.

You deserve to not be afraid that your car tilts to the side when you get in it.

You deserve to happy.

You deserve to be healthy.

You deserve this, but you have to work for it.


I Feel Great! January 15, 2012

Filed under: c25k,Self Reflection,Weigh Ins — The Only Way Up is Down @ 7:08 pm
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Not to sound like Tony the Tiger or anything, but I FEEL GRRRRREAT! Yesterday afternoon I finished week 3 of c25k and then walked to the coffee shop to do my homework (around one and a half miles, round trip). I went to my meeting this morning hoping to have lost at least a small fraction of what I gained over winter break. Lo and behold – I lost more than what I gained! Wow oh wow, I’m still excited about its been hours. 4.6 pounds gone, in one week! The receptionist always thinks it’s funny how excited I am when I have any sort of loss, but woweeee 4.6 pounds?! Awesome! Fantastic! Stupendous! So many words!

After my meeting I brought my grocery list that I made last night and stocked up on fruits and veggies for the week, as well as everything to make every meal I am going to eat this week. I think that planning out all of my meals last weekend and then following my plan really helped me lose that weight. It was also nice not having to go to the grocery store every few days because I had no idea what to make for dinner and once I figured it out, I didn’t have the ingredients. I’m sure this will end up saving me some money, too. I bought a lot of stuff in bulk – whole wheat spaghetti, brown rice macaroni noodles (we’ll see how those taste, I’ve never tried them before), paprika! Oh it was wonderful to buy spices for less than a dollar! I sure do love a good bargain!

I also went to the gym today and did another round of c25k: Week 3. I was planning on using an elliptical but the only one not occupied had an out-of-order sign on it. I haven’t put the podcast of week 4 on my iPod yet, so I couldn’t start it yet. However, I will start it tomorrow. I’m not sure if the gym is open though – the calendar on the wall said it was, but it is MLK Jr. Day, and the school is closed, so we’ll see. Unless it is hardcore snowing, I will just use the track instead of the treadmill if the gym is closed for the holiday. Hopefully I can push through this next week, I have a feeling it will be pretty tough.

Back to feeling great though, as that was the point of this post. I seriously feel like I can conquer the world right now. I can run for at least three minutes straight without passing out, I am kicking ass at losing weight, (I want my 5% next week, damnit!), and I made a delicious dinner. I rock. I really do. (Look at me, getting my self-esteem back!).

Steamed broccoli, Roasted Dijon potatoes, and lemon pepper chicken!